Since 2020 when we launched our website and blog to help market our Creative Writing course, we’ve experienced the pain of discovering one’s inadequacies, boundaries, and weaknesses. Andrew and I enjoyed working together on this endeavor, but it wasn’t working for us anymore after we got out of the classroom in 2022. Last winter, I suggested shutting down the blog to save overhead costs. We would discard our unique website name (there’s only one Creative Word Studio) and call it a failure. Andrew saw the wisdom in putting our energies and money elsewhere, but he couldn’t quite push the buttons to get rid of it all. I told him the blog wouldn’t be completely discarded. I believe he and I blogged a lot of great content for teachers on how to teach creative writing. We’d print off the files and put it in a binder or store the words as pdfs on iCloud. Also, our efforts weren’t wasted. While it is quite possible that we didn’t meet a need in our audience or grow the audience like real influencers do, that wasn’t completely our goal. The blog and website were a culmination of our creative writing philosophy. It solidified in our minds the reasons for, the methods behind, and the future of creative writing.
Month after month the blog hung over my head like a weight. If we have subscribers, I should write something. Month after month I came up short. I knew that if I were still actively teaching creative writing I’d have more fodder for blog posts. That opportunity was not an option, and even if it was, I don’t know if accepting the position would be wise. I kept mentioning to Andrew that I need to write a blog post. But I never got anywhere. Ashamed of the whole works, I wanted to disappear.
The shame/blame story I told myself felt heavy. My personality has changed in the last four years and I’m startled at who I’ve become. Instead of writing about creative writing, my emails to family and my online journal entries contain foody content, dreams for our children, cookbook and health discussions, and spiritual wanderings. Finally, I made a list of everything I’m ashamed about surrounding the creative writing world that had been mine. I’m ashamed of the way I create written pieces. I’m not a grammar student; my writing needs heavy editing. I’m ashamed that I’m uninspired to write about creative writing and that I don’t know where to look for inspiration. I’m ashamed that I don’t write much currently. I’m ashamed that I can’t tell if I like writing or not. I’m ashamed that my interests have changed a bit.
There is one thing that hasn’t changed though. I still do what Mary Oliver taught me years ago. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. I still have a desire to share what is beautiful and exciting to me. Maybe it’s normal that passions change. If I embrace that change, I wonder what new things could come out of that? I know my experiences in the classroom came from personal branding. I recognize the power of personal branding. Perhaps my personal branding for this blog simply needs to change directions. Andrew and I discussed how that would look.
Instead of a teacher writing content for teachers or parents on how to teach creative writing, as a mom, I would blog examples of creative writing. Suddenly I had more ideas for the blog. I know I become alive when I share. I get a creative high after I write something (I’m not the only one-Mary Burkholder does too; her husband told us). I think the inspiration to write would come back in bits and pieces. I would enjoy writing to an audience. The pace would be whatever a mom in my stage of life could handle. There would be no commitment to monthly posts. Perhaps some months would hold two posts, maybe some would have none. My dream is to still offer some free downloads for creative writing prompts. Also, we will probably slowly be transitioning to using my own iphone photography. It’s not professional, but it’s all part of the personal branding that I’ve been talking about. Some of you may not like the change and will decide it's time to unsubscribe. We are sorry to see you go but understand that we have not been offering anything the last while and this is not the content that you originally signed up for. On the other hand, if you find it to be content that you know others would appreciate, share a link with them so they can join us too.
I don’t know where all this idea will take us. It might work. It might not. I’m excited about reentering the blogging world instead of trying to retreat like I have been. People have been encouraging me to write more. I feel a bit trepidatious. With a strong statement ringing in my ears ever since fourth grade social studies class, “everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law,” I tremble at the thought of how careful I need to be with words. However, I also realize the power of words and how they’ve made an impact on my life. Perhaps God can use my words in good ways. In the end, I want to embrace change and give it a chance.
Is there an area in your life that is changing? Maybe do the exercise that I found helpful - pinpointing the elements of shame or guilt you feel and use that as a springboard to give you courage to pivot. Do you feel stuck, unable to move in any direction? Always give it time and prayer; but sometimes, just start. There are ways to slowly start moving in small steps.
In my next small steps, you can expect humble, homey, heart filled content. Come along as I dust off my thoughts and stir up this quiet little corner.
Jennifer Yoder
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